Project Description
There is nothing more affirming than telling, feeling and talking about your life story in a safe space. Please scroll down for life story ideas related to adoption and birth stories.
Read the example book below and if your appetite is whetted, scroll right down for more thoughts and look at Pinterest below for inspiration!
A life story book can be a powerful way to celebrate the individuality of your child not only in the present but in the future too. They may return to it for sustenance. They will be curious when older to find out what they felt, thought, drew, liked, enjoyed and sang! It can be a fun way for you and your child to spend time together. The Life Story Pack below offers you further help if you want it. If you are an adopter then you may also find it helpful to scroll down to the adoption section at the bottom of the page.
It can also be a sensitive way to broach subjects that you know you need to explore but have not ever found the right time to even begin and somehow the time just keeps passing! Life story creations offer children the chance to address feelings and memories that they have buried away. These can haunt them instead coming out as troublesome behaviour either to themselves or others. The creation process offers children the chance to voice the unsaid and in doing so create distance from the power of unvisited areas. A new understanding which may change their internal self blaming story, may arise in the company of a parent or somebody who loves and knows them well. If you don’t feel comfortable about embarking on this with your child, do seek further support to explore what is stopping you from sharing the complex or disturbing issue or facts in their background. It is here that therapeutic support could be helpful for yourself or indeed even for your child. I have enclosed a list of organisations that can put you in touch with counsellors or therapists in the Life Story Pack. There are also links in this pack to books, websites and organisations of repute that offer further advice on sharing topics that concern you. You may find this site about bringing up confident children and approaching challenging subjects helpful: www.understandingchildhood.net
The process of creating a book can lead to a child who feels less burdened by invisible weights and whose overall demeanour is happier. A sense of relief may be apparent to the whole family. It does take time, energy and effort but this is an investment worth making in terms of it’s potential to be life enhancing and confidence generating. Here are some websites that might aid thinking on this topic with an additional adoption friendly section: Useful websites for life story work
Life story work gives you ‘special time’ with your child and you should find ideas on this website and in the pack which will help you in creating the structure to make a finished product. This product could be an online creation [power point template is good] or a folder where loose leaf pages can be added or removed or a book. This book can be in any form you feel fits for you and your child. The importance to your child of the finished creation, will show itself over time. It can be the means by which your child returns to reflect and focus on happenings and achievements. They may use I films or other apps to create stories within their story. See this 60 second example of how a wonderful whippet can reveal his experience of Covid! : https://youtu.be/WUE00t_F92o
You may find it has a securing and settling effect on your child in future turbulent times. It will for a life time be a wonderful way of viewing how your child experienced himself at the time of the creation of the book. Most importantly it is your child’s book so they can find amusement and value in their life whether in the present or looking back as adults.
See the Children’s Art section of this website for ideas on how your child’s creations can foster conversation.
‘My purple bunny was my friend. I remember, I thought if I wore mummy’s shoes I could go out dancing with her at night!’
The life story creations are not a photo album so use photos sparingly. If possible involve your child in the choice of photos and ask if there are memories of what is seen. Feel and touch objects too that have been important and ask them for associations and bring these into the book. Seize the moment as much will be forgotten as they age!
The Life Story Pack is in PDF form with link here : PDF-Life-Story-Pack-fv-1-on site
It provides:
- A template and guidance for planning your own sessions with your child that contains an example to clarify.
- A toolbox of practical resources with warm up and cool down games to create the climate for communicating with your child. Links to Amazon are a touch away.
- A therapeutic book list.
- 20 Starter Sentences to stimulate ideas for the life story in you and your child.
- Important Conversations
Suggestions for how to approach Important Conversations with a child. Topics covered are:
Mental Health. Suicide. Death. Domestic Violence. Divorce and Separation. Prison. Alcoholism. Drug Abuse. Sexual Abuse. Smacking.
Each topic is divided into suggested words to use with a child but more importantly ideas for you to discover your own unique way in more easily.
- Relevant websites are embedded within the pack. There are links to stories that touch on the topics above to read aloud with your children or for them to read themselves.
- Links to You Tube for relevant clips.
- The use of the arts is integrated within the pack to better help create a life story creation of meaning for a child.
- For anyone interested in therapy or counselling for their child there are signposts to helpful resources and theorists.
Adoption
Perfectionism is the enemy of life story work and this example book [below] created by a social worker is not perfect! What it does reveal is the preparation of a child of 3 years old to leave her foster family and join her adopters. Key elements for this journey are child involvement in the preparation wherever possible as well as photos, words, and conversation. Scroll right down for more ideas about conversations.
Adoption
The term ‘life story work’ is usually associated with social workers yet should adopters be more involved? Ideas can be gained from the parent and child generated book straight above although not all pages would be right for an adopted child.
For suggestions on words to help explain the reasons for being taken from birth parents go straight to the PDF’s below in red.
The life story book adopters receive aims to pass on the social work perspectives on the story of why the child came into care.
Modern day adopters know of their responsibility to share the reasons why their child is adopted and it is their judgement of what and when to share that is crucial to the child’s understanding of this important story. Conversations in adoptive homes that aim to bridge the changes the child has experienced are important for a child’s inner sense of coherence and continuity. This openness within the home allows a narrative power to the child.
By 18 years old the child has the legal right to read all the relevant documentation on them concerning the circumstances that led to their adoption. There are adoption support agencies and services out there to help with this challenge.
The links below to PDF’s contain suggestions for conversations that might take place in gently exploring the child’s feelings and thoughts on the common causes for domestic adoptions. These conversations are not one-off events but need to take place over time to be dynamically understood in relationship to those who love them. If head on conversations feel tense or unnatural then talking about movies can be a good start. Adopted children of primary age have consistently told me that they enjoy: Annie, Clifford The Big Red Dog, Matilda [who chooses to be adopted], Kung Fu Panda 2 , Lilo and Stich, The Lion King and Stuart Little. There are stories that echo emotive themes for adopted children which can be found all around us; look out for what feels right for your child.
Adopters know that without explanations children naturally create stories of their own to fill in the gaps. Children may have non-verbal memories and feelings which have informed their internal narrative on loss in their life.
A healthy exploration at the child’s own pace in a trusting atmosphere can allow for a loosening of tension around the stories that informed their early life. Creating or looking through a life story book can be an intrinsic part of the process. This site can stimulate ideas for expanding on the original book so that other stories in a child’s life are brought alive with all their potential to bring positivity and celebrate all that is life enhancing.
Enclosed is a guide for adopters to inform and inspire their own life story creations produced for Adopt London North- press link: Life Story Guide for Adopters
For adopters wanting to create a welcome book for the adopted child or their own story of life since the child arrived the talking photo album may be a useful link to explore:
For adopters wanting to know more about Richard Rose inspired and trained therapeutic life story workers please see:
Find a TLSWi Qualified Practitioner – Therapeutic Life Story Work International (TLSWi)
Press the titles in red to link into PDF’s which you can download for conversational purposes
This PDF below has suggestions for conversations about being adopted, the death of a birth parent, relinquished children, learning difficulties and disabilities, and unknown fathers.
This PDF below has suggestions for discussing mental health including Anxiety, Bi-polar disorder, Depression, Personality Disorder, and Schizophrenia
This PDF below covers self harm and harm to others. It includes Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Domestic Violence and Suicide.
This PDF below covers abuse and includes Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Physical Abuse and Sexual Abuse.
Do look at these books of fiction for children and non fiction for adults that have inspired life story conversations: